WTF.

I am not really sure how it happened.

But somehow, somewhere along the line, I adopted a old, outdated, ridiculous idea that my male counterpart, my business partner, my man should be paid more than me… by businesses that we co-own.

WTF Kristen Marie?

The realization was a wake-up call… a midnight gasp for air coming out of a bad dream.

How in the hell did I fall for it?

How on EARTH did I allow this… No… how DID I SET IT UP so that he makes more money than I do, from the businesses we are building together?

How did I set it up when I am the one who runs the show over here? While we couldn’t do what we do without him, we sure as hell can’t do it without me either.

Yet, I totally discounted my role. I assigned more monetary value to his actions than to mine.

Good lord. That was incredibly stupid.

And it got me thinking.

Why does that nurturing, caring, “make sure everyone is taken care of” part of us also get expressed as giving ourselves less?

Why do we buy into the illusion that if we sacrifice emotionally, spiritually or financially that we are setting ourselves up to be our best selves?

I confess, this revelation scared the shit out of me.

For the past day and a half, I’ve been wrestling with my inner feminist. My rebellious voice. My passion for women being powerful and strong. I’ve been thinking about inequality… women’s rights… the insanity of sexism, and the political, social and economic oppression of women throughout time.

And then, I stopped.

I realized there is no need for me to start a revolution. I don’t have to rise up and get upset or prove a point.

I don’t have to fight, or protest.

I don’t have to dive deep into my psyche to find the underlying cause of paying Matthew more than me in the businesses I run for us.

Nope.

All I have to do is email my bookkeeper and tell her that starting this week, my salary is the same as Matthew’s. And, simply adjust things from there.

In a nutshell, I believe Gandhi’s vision that we each simply “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

Just be it.

So, today I am taking action in concert with the woman I want to be.

There. Done.

Now, I am off to think about all the fun shit I get to do with my new raise. 🙂